Helsinki

What do I do with my first day of my Summer Solstice? I "run away", which is just getting in the car with lauren's sister and going to her house, my mom saw it as running away even though I'm at home now. No clue. I am no longer a "Golden Spoon virgin", which sounds awkward because it has virgin in it, shut up. We cleaned out our locker and I can now bring home my mustache that's been on the door the whole year. Kid's got some big plans to make for this time off and I'm using it and using it well.

My hair's getting too long for my beanie.

Oh my god:

Bears with beets

So a while back, about a year and a half ago, I saw Against Me at the Grove in Anaheim with Matt & Kim and they were amazing. It's kind of weird how everyone has Daylight on their profiles. It's annoying but is it some memo I missed? I still like Read? OK. and Fact printed stain. I feel so good about my Spanish and Math final today. It was the first math final I've ever finished right on time. Success? Maybe.

Right when I was finished I was starred at because I got a Germ-X whippie and disinfected my calculator, pencil and phone. I like 'em cleeeean.

Bored |bord| adjective :
Feeling weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity.

Geek |gek| noun informal :
1 An unfashionable or socially inept person.
2 A carnival performer who does wild or disgusting acts.

Hello scandinavia

Two down, four to go. Gad damn it. I still want to go to the zoo or the aquarium. Although I was close to going a while ago, I still want to go. Instead of going to petting zoo's and whatnot, they took my sister and I to art museums and jazz festivals. All still fun but whateves. My phone is up and running, still sick but I'm living. Noffin new, just looking at galleries online and wishing I was on vacation somewhere. I haven't gone on vacation in a year. San francisco soon though!

Autumnal equinox

How I wish it was Autumn. A time where things were easier and fun. Summer is so over rated, so are relationships. Well the uneasy ones where neither one of you know what you're doing, but I don't really have to worry about that anyways because I know what I'm doing and I'm a little less clueless and not that afraid to point problems out. Then again, what problems? That's why I love it.

I'm going to stop talking about finals. Every year since I ever took my first freshman finals, I've gotten sick around the same time. The thing is, I get myself sick. And I'm dieting so my emotions are fucking everywhere. By the way, I got new shoes yesterday. Well my sister has them but I gave her my money because I couldn't leave my books and notes and hand cramps. I've had a writers callus on my right hand ring finger since fourth grade, the grade I discovered how much fun it was to write stories and draw my own books.

Sicksicksicksicksicksicksick; I seem to always be wearing that jacket.

I actually really like my science class.

Nervous nancy

I slept horribly but soundly. I made myself camomile tea last night because I had the worst sore throat. I fell asleep watching some online movies till two am. I caught up with the hills, nothing to say out loud but I watch it. I had the worst and best dream.

I was in a vertical arena such as the star exhibit at the Griffith Observatory except no seats, no hologram projectors and I was waiting for this girl from my school, who doesn't play an instrument, for her to play her violin solo. While I was waiting for her to start playing, I was flying/ swimming everywhere. All of a sudden there were orca whales and while I was swimming they would bite at my hands and they would bite hard but I couldn't see their faces. Then the worst happened and I was unprotected in open water in the middle of the ocean with the sky being a low ceiling. So from there on while I was stranded, there were orca whales, not sharks, but whales biting at my hands and every time they came up to me there was just merky water all of a sudden which freaked the shit out of me. Then everything turned black and the stars turned to shellfish.

I don't know why I've suddenly gotten so afraid of orca whales, they're cute :/

Studying all day today and tomorrow.

I plan to walk around aimlessly with out a plan

Plaines planes plans plants

- Build a teepee
- Go camping freely
- Don't wear underpants for a day
- Eat my dinner with my hands for a week
- Walk around barefooted most of the time
- Brush my hair to a minimal time
- Count how I brush my teeth
- Say hello to people with dogs on the street
- Overcome my aversion to open water
- Lose all anxiety
- Find my peace in mind
- Wear more torn clothes
- Be happy
- Adventures
- Stick to everything I say
- Keep promises
- Continue loving and never feel hopeless
- Know my day is going to come
- Be self aware
- Paint everyone and everything
- Write down an extended list of pop up things
- Carry a conversation for more than 10 minutes
- Be able to look people in the eye
- Be capable of being as sincere as possible
- Goonies never say die
- Bake the cake I've been wanting to bake
- Feed the giraffes I've been wanting to feed
- Buy shark teeth
- Swim in the ocean free of anxiety
- Empty my room
- Purchase something above $30 on my own
- Grow up smart
- Build my own wrapping paper room
- Start something new
- Walk in the woods
- Be in the rain
- Collect sun in a jar
- Visit the Indian flower ice cream parlor in san fran
- Build my own fire like Bear Grylls
- Hike and pee in a bush
- Sleep in a tent and fish in the morning
- Fall asleep next to a person besides family
- Go on tour
- Take pictures till my eyes bleed
- Always feel comfortable
- Never lose creativity
- Set things straight with people and make them understand
- Feel truthful
- Open my eyes when I wake up, not my mouth
- Watch another meteor shower
- Feel infinite till I'm emotional
- Be less emotionally attached
- Don't think so much
- Schedule visitation
- Build my own car or underground walk way to santa barbara
- Feel good
- Write a rap
- Give myself credit for things
- Watch amoebas through a telescope
- Make cup phones
- Kaleidoscope kaleidoscope kaleidoscope kaleidoscope
- Eat a whole watermelon
- Paint my toes every two days
- Quit a dirty habit
- Stop getting bruises
- Screen print
- Grow my hair as far as Texas
- Visit Chicago, Boston, Portland or Seattle
- Stay in a park for a whole day
- Eat the fish I caught
- Ride in a canoe
- Receive a hena tattoo
- Buy another dog
- Remember 'i' before the 'e'
- No summer school
- Flakes are not allowed
- Buy a Badminton net
- Make a vase on a clay wheel
- Create something beautiful and give as a present
- Eat a whole box of cereal on my own
- Ride my bike somewhere far
- Make it passed the tide
- Eat at Neptune's Net again
- Buy more oils in Ventura
- Road trip that will never happen
- Think of things more possible than impossible
- Finish a velvet coloring picture from Michaels
- Go to shows shows shows
- Make Spoon Fed Art
- Go to the Ghetty at least the normal 4 times this summer
- Plant my vegetable garden
- Be as unstoppable as kim possible
- Defeat flies and ladybugs
- Murder snail killers
- Watch Milk and remember every part of it
- Aim for documentary's only
- Buy her nice things with my money
- Cook a good meal
- Grow a tea garden
- Ignore negativity
- Make a ceramic elephant
- Make less holes in my wall
- Be more original
- Finish something old


Let there be more to come..

Everything means nothing to me

I feel like I've missed forever and a day. Nothing at all new. Just my best friend over every single day this past week and preparing to be a junior all day. Lauren and Gabe came over to day. I took a shower first because I was estinky. Speaking of, Lauren has never had pinkberry before so we walked there from school and I'm waiting in line and this lady comes behind me and she smelled... so bad. I don't know how to describe it but I didn't want my frozen yogurt in her presence. I feel horrible for saying so, but people have to know when to scrub.

I also found out that Katie Rossier is the gayest mosucka ever. You'll see this eventually. I'll miss your face and constant insults about me.

What they did while I was showering.

"You look like someone shanked your face! What happened?!" Mrs. Rubalcaba

Success

Is my middle name. I slept through my spanish writing final this morning. By the way my eyes are blood shot and I literally lost four pounds. That's a huge deal to me. I'm in the process of getting up so I can go to school. I'll make it to the last two classes and lunch. Yesterday was such a depressing day I almost cried.

I just woke up

Alright so

Woop it's the first of June, whatever. I'm summing this up in bullet points:

• No phone
• Coming in mail soon
• Will not post for a while because of finals
• Studying real hard because I don't want to go to Fullerton nor Sunny Hills
• Getting kicked out of the same class with in a weeks span = me in deep shit
• I will not be on this for quit some time.

Well there you go. My arms are bruised from playing volleyball at lunch. Fuck being on a varsity team years ago, I have shuffle boarding and badminton. Alright, I'm done.

Buenos dia

Woke up so late thinking it was early because I have no clock what so ever in my room. Phone and iHome are broken, technology hates me. Shows it would have been a good idea not to do techweek. Phone is coming in soon, I swear it was like the guy at the sprint store was flirting with my mom. So my mom got me a good deal with a memory card and email on my phone. Gross! So because I woke up late, I got up not even saying good morning and got a bowl of cottage cheese, honey and granola then I made jasmine tea. I'll continue this later. Watching some Scrubage.

Does anyone else think the late night Doritos commercial is awesome?

C'est mi vie

I don't know if it's obvious yet but I've been obsessed with the french language and french, finnish or russian music. It all sounds so fucking beautiful and I love when people talk to me in french, it's so asdlfkj. That's my exact feeling. I'm going to go watch Amelie now. Graduation this morning at 7:45 am. So cold, tired and felt naked (dress) but it was good (the graduation, not feeling nude). Mostly funny because my friends were there, hah my many friends. I want to do something today like sit on a mountain or nap. Same thing.. By the way, the graduation pictures WILL in fact be posted at the least by today.

I'm eating cottage cheese, granola and honey. I've also been obsessed with anything doing with granola. So I've just been eating yogurt and cottage cheese. I'm also going to prepare to paint today.

Gradupoop

Sleeep

And beyond

I dig guy cheerleaders and mac nerds. Mostly mac nerds. I learned how to do body splints today in health and wore shorts with a deep-v when it was on the verge of rain outside. Guess how I was all day. Cardigans are nice. I don't know what to do, I also like how people can just break at dancing and good about it. I wish I knew. Something else that bothers me is Twilight. At times pitta chips bother me but they're good I guess. Yesterday the hummus my parents bought expired yesterday.. I didn't know. "Cris, you should just finish the rest of the hummus.. 'why?' because it expires today.." ass.

Waking up at six just so I can do my damn hair for graduation, then freeze my ass off there. I'm going through with-drawls. I'm going to look like her:

except with a dress and a band-aid on my right knee..

Splendidly brilliant

Lettre d'amour partie

No time, tonight is the first night I have normal homework and have to study for english. Mourning the horrible suicide of my phone. Woowoo for my usage of a house phone :( Apart with my bruised/ scrapped right hip bone, cut elbow, and bloody scrapped knee; Liz coy was fighting me for her apple which I licked and in doing so, I jammed my pinky. Not her fault though. My pink is now in a splint. Just my week? It comes with the package of a bomb ass motherfucking weekend. I tell you, life is good only sometimes and when it is, it's great.  I love you.

Ali made delicious supernovae cupcakes

Oats B'Goats

I've been needing a new hobby. Not necessarily a hobby like build model ships, just something to keep me entertained, like building model ships. People have kept me entertained long enough and so has art. Art can't be my only thing on my college applications. I will have zero things on there to show off my "special abilities". Bullshit that all is. I miss playing softball.

Either over summer or sometime during my junior year, I am going to pick up playing for sure, either for Fulla or LM. Either that or rugby, swim, or aspiring couch potato.. or vagabond. I also miss my basketball hoop I had at my old house before I moved to fullerton. I miss my pool. I got a backyard of grass in exchange for a pool.

My best friend Ottie and I are going to go running right now as soon as my food is digested. He really is my best buddy. He naps with me, he eats with me, he goes running with me, he....listens to me. HAHAH, I sound like a crazy woman. Maybe I just am. But really, he's the best napping buddy on this planet. No cat or bird can compare to our love. I have no favoritism with my three dogs. Joey, likes to sleep on the ground and keeps to himself. Milo, is scared of specks of floating dust/ pee's when you try to pick him up. Ottie likes to play softball, eat popsicles and watch Reno 911 with me. Can you see what I see in him?

Before:

After:

Anyways, I'm going running now.

Edit;

Went running, bloody knee, broken phone, tears. Sums up why I'll never make it in life. Cried for hours because of my phone. I feel permanently disconnected with the world. Then again, I could be exaggerating. I love my best friend, not ottie... But another best friend. She caaawwwlms me dwwwn. And I guess understands? Hah, yeah. I hope everything works out okay..

Lips like suga

I wish I had better things to do. For now I just eat a lot, attempt to work out, fail, attend school, and study. I feel like I'm studying a lot but get nothing out of it. I've been listening to rap a lot. I hate rap. Seriously though, I hate it but I've been listening to it on Pandora. I honestly think it's the funniest thing evvveerr!! I wish I got wifi at school, I'd listen to it all the time. I also wish I can dance. I seriously do. All I do is FAIL. I've been reading the FAIL blog a lot, along with FML, hehehahahadkf gay..


Chip off the old block of knowledge.

Part B

This is a story I read today.

"I never really wanted to write anything in here except stories about dragons and Cyclopses and stuff before. But today is different… After I was born my mom produced an overabundance of white blood cells in her body because of a disease. So whenever she would try to eat, the blood cells would think that the food was an enemy, and they would attack the food by making her vomit it up. 

By the time I was 4, Mom weighed 79 pounds and all she could eat was rice, bananas, and plums. Dad never believed she was sick. He used to say it was ‘cause of guilt for her cheating on him before I was born. He said she felt bad ‘cause she knew in her heart that he wasn’t my real Dad. But Mom never cheated, and Dad was really my Dad. Either way, Dad’s always hated me. So when Mom starved to death when I was 9, Dad started being extra mean to me. He made me mow the lawn every day, which wasn’t that bad, except he made me bite down on a piece of wood to keep my muscles tight while I did it so that I would “get my man-strength”. But all it did was cut my mouth with splinters.

 He hit me a lot. Mostly when I would talk about Mom, or when I would beg to sleep inside ‘cause it was too cold in the shed. And he would make me shoot things too. “G’head, you point that rifle at them bunnies and you pull that trigger to get some fuckin’ hair on that little girl chest ‘a yours!” So I did it. Bunnies, squirrels, even the occasional cat that hopped our fence just because it was OUR property, he said. And it wasn’t even for food. Dad was a vegetarian. My childhood was disgusting. But after 13 years, I finally rebelled. Today was the day that I killed my father."  -Alex Pardee.

Early morning coffee

Got home soo late last night. Went to party/ bbq in Long Beach. Went to bed late only to automatically wake up early thinking I'm going to sleep through my alarm again. My alarm is loud, and I've slept through it before. I won't be home all day, beeach tadei.

Ohhh maa gad, I love my friends. Haha, the two lovers I spent my whole day with today. I feel horrible because I have such limited friends I'm allowed to hang out with. But it's not quantity, it's quality. I've got all the quality I want and need.

Kimya Dawson is probably my number one hero right now. I don't think anyone else can compare to her.

"Life is a highway and I'm gonna ride it, everyday is a winding road, my rollercoaster's got the biggest ups and downs, as long as it keeps goin around it's unbelievable."

We will become silhouettes

So I don't know what's up with all the Postal Service titles, although there's only two. Still seems like a lot. I've just been listening to them lately. I bathed my dawgs yesterday. They look so clean and soft and handsome. I cut Otties hair like Bob Dylan again, he likes it. He doesn't like his hair going over his left eye, ruins all of his stealthily bird and cricket attacks. Enough with my dogs, I love mac nerds.

I'll edit this later. I also finally ditched my old iHome and just stole my sisters computer speakers which I can manually make a grossly heavy bass line :)


"And if my brain quits, well I guess then that's just it. And if my hands stop working you can call me lazy. I've been trying to nod my head but it's like I've got a broken neck. Wanting to say 'I will' as my last testament. For you to be brave and me to be saved we don't have to walk down that isle, well if marriage isn't enough, well at least we'll be loved."

p.s. At 1:31 pm, I defeated my first war head.

I feel yes

I've felt as though I should make an effort as a deep animal lover. I should go to Sea World, or the San Diego, LA, Santa Ana zoo, or the Aquarium of the Pacific. All my favorite places. I haven't been to the zoo since I was little, or my cousins were little. For some reason I really like looking at the Australian animals and the elephants. The aquarium, I don't have a favorite part, I just love all of it. Sea World... dolphins. I've always liked the dolphins. I feel just like a child.

Someone woke me up early this morning. Now that she finally figured out how to instant message from her ipod to my phone. I'll reply in a little bit.

I had a dream about a friend. A second dream about being in some car with the mom from weeds and my sister and they were trying to save me from committing suicide because apparently at my old school I saw a girl jump off a building. That one weirded me out. The only way in that particular dream that I can be happy, is if they bought me a red beanie like my sisters but more knitted. And my third dream, my friend Kt got a puppy and I was looking at a picture of it earlier yesterday when I got home because it's the cutest thing in the world, and I had a dream that I lived at her house (that I've never been to) and played with her puppy.

If I were to ever go to her house and it is the same layout as my dream, I'm going to be really scared. It wouldn't be the first time I have a dream about a place I've never been to, and when I go to it, everything was exactly how it was in my dream. I get it from my dad.

Recycled air

There has to be something wrong with me. I know that there is. I'm happy one moment then I'm real lazy and bummed out. I don't even know what I get so tired from, i just feel drained all of a sudden. Drained like I'm stressed about something but not knowing what. I'm alright. Staying at a friends house tonight should cheer me up. Some major spoonage, hahaha.

I have never been in so much trouble. I went for so long with out getting in trouble. But I don't have a detention and because of me, a couple people got detentions. Ohh my god. Okay, don't feel like writting. Nothing is worth commenting about.