Firework stand

I am supposed to man a stand tomorrow. I'm not that excited. I am going to get paid but jess is a jerk so I have no idea how much. Gaby literally came to my house at 9:00 am this morning. I fell back asleep at eight because of the dog and him not sleeping and him falling off my four story bed. No one think my bed is comfortable. Well it is but I think it's not a comfortable height. It's comfortable sleeping wise. Anyways. We stayed at my house, she brought donuts, I paniced because we didn't have any milk so in a fit of rage, I put pants on and we walked to the liquor store.

For the first in a while, I feel okay. I'm not happy and I'm not sad. I just feel normal. Well I'm going to have a long week and weekend and long week after that so I'm embracing what I can.

I love my Moleskine book. Gaby said that I am "almost everything on What White People like" or something like that. It's some blog.

I'm actually in a good mood. I'm not happy I'm not sad. I'm good. I do miss my friends though. And I do miss school.

Gabe and I watched this really great video of Kate Nash covering "Hollaback Girl" on acoustic. Kate Nash, Cocorosie and Iron and Wine. I'm always in the mood for Iron and Wine.

Do you love your life?
gaby: That's like asking do you love dogs?
cris: no.
gaby: really?
cris: i love dogs, not life.
(My day)

Mindsweep

I am alive
I am clean
I am mid-hippiness
I am made down
I am let up
I am entertained
I am free of sleep
I am inventive
I am peaceful
I am all but alright.

I don't know what all that just was. I wish Ali left the Regina Spektor album at home and not in her car when she left for work. I miss the mac book. I miss ichat. I am a complainer. My lungs hurt.

I have made up my mind. Do I want to? I'm good, all's normal. Pretending to be alright is a specialty. Quinn is learning how to bark, so he takes out his voice on me while wrestling with a pillow four times larger than him.

"A memory of yesterday’s pleasures, a fear of tomorrow’s dangers, a straw under my knee, a noise in mine ear, a light in mine eye, an anything, a nothing, a fancy, a Chimera in my brain, troubles me in my prayer. So certain is there nothing in spiritual things, perfect in this world."

Boot straps

I was looking for my purple jacket that I have worn several times after Red & Gold (which was in february) I reached in my pocket and there was a Red & Gold ticket ballet. Thank you for taking me down memory lane stupid jacket. It was fun while it lasted I guess. I think I liked skipping shop the most and just getting boba and sitting on top of a parking structure. Oh those times.

I got out of bed (couch) at 1:13 pm. Which means I have been going to sleep at 4:00 am. I'm done sharring my sleeping schedule and I'm accepting I am half bear. I did fall asleep watching Man vs. Wild. My hero right there. I would not mind marring him. I'd want my husband out eating carrots from bear poop in the middle of the forest, that's hot. I really do like Bear Grylls.

We're still deciding a name for Quinn. My second option was Elliott after Elliott Smith. Milo was named after me just liking the name. Joey: Joey from friends. Ottie: came with the name but I still liked it because it was the name of Paul Baribeau's dog in his song Broken Hearted Boys.

Is there such thing as over showering? My iPod has kept me company. I'm now a full time mother. My dog thinks my dad is his mother because of his beard. (not me mother, his dog mother. I wish I had a beard. Lol) Woo Silversun Pickups allll daay.

This is what's been keeping me occupied. Not all of it is glued down.

Bullet proof

I went to knotts yesterday for my seesters birthday and I got over all my fears. Pretty much mastered most of the rides I was too afraid to get on a long time ago.

Last night, or this morning, I fell asleep at 5:30 am waiting for Fight Club to start on Fuse but the television lied to me and they were really just going to show Michael Jackson music video's. I don't know wtf to do with this dog but he keeps me occupied from things. I'm good. Sorting things out, I just found out a couple days ago I am going away for a week and it's not even for vacation, parents are paranoid about me. I'm envying my sister, she gets to see Explosions in the Sky tonight.

I bought honey sticks from a candy store yesterday but toria took the ones I actually purchased myself. Right now I'm eating the ones my sister bought me as a suprise. Aw aww.. Anyways.

I be writin in my Moleskine book.
I need to find a clinic where they give puppies free shots.

"I think I was a Centar in my past life.."

Skinuska

I went to disneyland today, again. This time for my sisters birthday which is tomorrow. Tomorrow is Knott's farm of berries. I also entered club 33 in disneyland. I feel important. I got two match boxes, a light up tinker thing, and a but load of complimentry chocolates. Oh and smart water and I finally got a Mint Julip. I can't type much because I'm talking to someone more important than god. gay.

I got my classes. I hope my religion teacher doesn't hate me this year like my last one did. She didn't like me because I'd question if the bible is even true and she called me an athiest several times. Also refused to answer my questions.

lame lame lame. I have nothing to do. I'm going to go write a book.

Safety bricks

Nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing.

I got a puppy and I named him Quinn.
I also got a Moleskine notebook.
What a day, tomorrow I get a mint julip!

Brownbrownbrown

I got bracelet tans.
I'm preparing to do a painting but I still need newspaper and I do not feel like walking to CVS just for newsprint. I'll wait till my asshole neighbor gets hers and take it even though it's illegal to do that.

Still here, nothing at all. I should probably not post until something good happens. I did however draw a picture of what I want to do with my brain. It's upsetting me more and more. There's no way around things, even if you're in control. This shouldn't be the center of everything I've been writing about, I'll tryy.

I used to have this really really cool keychain and it was my most prized possession next to Slimey the ceramic garden worm from Worms in Space. This keychain I got for like 60 tickets at Shakey's when I was little and lost it about three years ago. It was the coolest brain in a jar I kept on my packpack.

P.s. I saw the back to the future car today at the movies. My sister and I giggled when the guy pushed a button and his door opened automatically.

Moleskinerie

I really, really, really want one of these. I believe it'll make me happier and help me let go of some things that are festering in my head. I think I'll buy one today. I feel good about this.

Sureal living

I'm starting to get tired of waking up to an empty house, but then I get tired when waking up to a full house. Empty house: music really loud, do literally anything, I don't have to wait for the shower. Full house: loud, asking how I slept (shity, what do you think), and last but not least them making me to clean. It's fine though, I clean a lot on my own anyways.

I have become infatuated with The Kills and still the Yeah Yeah Yeahs new album. I just might watch Mel Brooks movies all day. Young Frankenstein is by far my second favorite. Dracula Dead and Loving it is my first. Has been since I was really really young. I've also been looking at old polaroids my parents used to take of my sister and I. I look like an immigrant :( I miss my long thin hair.

I've noticed that blogging is just writing down what you want, are going to do, are planning on doing, did, think you should do, don't know if you should do anything about. Seriously, but it's nice to have and update every day. Not like I have more important things to be doing anyways. Btw, I'm turning in a second job application today. BAM, productive-ness right there.

Today's music playlist consists of:
The Kills
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Feist
Waaves
Lykke Li
Mirah
The Distillers
Rancid

Goodnight bad morning

It's Blitz is probably my favorite album.
I am in a good mood. My sister made a really good looking cake with nutela in the middle. What do you or people expect. For me to be sad and hoping for the best all the time so I can just think negative things all the time. No sir, I'm trying not to think about it.

My best friend is in Mexico. I hope she doesn't get killed because I kind of love her. The six years of knowing her.. I've never said I love you to her. Also because we take absolutely NOTHING seriously. We also don't hug. Strickly hand shakes and hi-fives. Our specialty.

I get cuban food today. I'm not going to eat breakfast because I'm so excited.
My dad got a blackberry. He's no longer left out of the circle of my mom, sister and I.

I never

I came home this morning at 11:30.
Still very much sore from the long day/ night I spent away from home. I am also pretty convinced that I have broken my right foot. The very top part and the ball of my foot has been sore since monday. I discovered the pain monday at disneyland. Thank you Urban Outfitters shoes.

I went swimming for the first time in a year and a half. All last summer I didn't step one foot in a pool. Why? I don't know. Ever since I moved to fullerton, I haven't done the things I used to like doing. Sports? Swimming? Fuhk noe.

I was in a jacuzzi in which the temperature was 104 degrees. I then rolled myself out of the lobster pot and layed on the ground for a good 20 minutes while everyone else threw themselves in the chilled pool. I, still laying on the ground, heard the sound of nothing which was villa park. So peaceful, dead, and quiet. The good kind of dead by the way. I haven't had that much fun in a while. I came home to take a shower with my hair super damaged and scrapes, cuts and bruises ALL over my body. Some in the most remarkable places too. All this from diving into bushes and streaking down a highway street.

We could have been normal "children" and toilet papered houses and left cans of milk and soup on peoples door steps, but we decided no clothes was the way to go. Word.

'Nuff said.

I've been reading Dallas Clayton (http://dallasclayton.com/page/1/)

The Chase

How many falcons
do I have to train
to follow your scent
on your daily hike
before you start taking me seriously?

East coast leaves

Today was the first in many days that I actually slept till noon. I woke up at 12: 23 pm and walked into the kitchen finding my dad who called twice, sitting at the table eating enchiladas with my plate next to him. It was an awkward but nice "brunch".

Horrible horrible horrible horrible night. Believe me when I say it not twice, but four times. I don't think I've had a worse night like that before. I want to put my brain in a jar when I sleep so in the morning I can just unscrew the top of my head and put it back in for later use. Almost like dentures.

Finally, I get to do something. I've found out that many people are at my friends house so I, always being one with no ride anywhere, am going over later. Today is a day for Beirut and epidoes of the L word. After I walk to the store to buy some snacks with the two dollars I have.

Mythology

All I am going to mention today is that I wish I didn't care so much. What if I didn't.

I've been writing thoughts down as bullet points. The only way of me organizing and alphabetizing my words. Not even that can help me. I know I wanted to grow.

It is what it is

What an explorer I am. I do nothing all day and nothing everyday. My time will come when something good and fun comes along. I laid in bed thinking I'd fall asleep last night, but nothing happened until my friend called me at twelve, stayed on the phone for half and hour and then gave up on trying and made toast.

I always do that, lay in bed, think about things that will bring me down and later pretend it's all okay. I don't mind it, it's not like I'm not used to it. This has been going on for a year already. It follows me to school, obviously at home, when I'm sleeping, when I'm trying to relax. Thoughts just pop up like a popping bag of popcorn. What a horrible metaphor I just used.

When things set on their way to being horrible, I can't help but not do something about it. I sit there, accepting what I'm thinking.

More news, I'm going to Sunny Hills for summer school. I basically made my tear ducts dry for two hours because of it.

Mint julip

Mint Julip's are so good. Analisa showed them to me at disneyland yesterday. So delicious, it's like a mint drink with a "hint" of lime and it comes with a giant mind leaf, two cherries and a lemon wedge. I actually want one right now!

Yep, so went to disneyland yesterday. It's almost like I'm always there, probably because I have a pass and it's a nice place to relax unlike Knott's. I do want to go to Knott's too because I want to get that thread wrap in my hair. I'm actually going to get it and it's the lamest thing in the world!

Yesterday actually felt like a summer day. Today's weather feels like a summer day too and I love it. I'm probably not going to do anything until tomorrow night. I really need a car in order to do things during the day. It would make more sense in making plans with friends. Also if THEY drove, it would be at least 10 times easier.

I'm going to go watch Important things by Demitri Martin. I forgot how funny that was.

Solid Goold

p.s. Kullen!!! I've seen Summer Heights High before! funniest thing ever. I didn't think anyone else did!

New Post

Today, Monday 15, 2009, is MY first real beginning to my summer. Starting it off none other than with Disneyland at 12 noon. I can never get tired of it, especially when I have a Premium pass and get discounts and free parking.

I think the times I have fun in my life, is when I'm with my sister. Sad to say, but the truth. When I'm out with my friends, I'm most likely doing something or going somewhere I'm not supposed to, which engages my anxiety that doesn't go away until my parents do or don't find out. What a paranoid person I am. Lately I've been good about my where abouts or they just don't find out where or what I'm doing. If it's something horrible like robbing a cigar store, they'd know.

I'm also going to soon make a Facebook because I've realized that once you're done with high school, what the fuck do you do with your myspace? It's beginning to be pointless and over rated. The reason I go on is to listen to free music I don't have (I know there are websites for it but whatever) and talk to friends who don't have phones (lauren, gaby sometimes, excetra).

My dreams are scarring me more and more. And I'm sleeping in later and later as each day goes by. All this and our Mac computer is dead, woowoo for PC's..



Enjoy you're day.
And you're welcome :)

Tigers like pepper

Law & Order is so intense it makes me stop watching it from the beginning. I always though it said these 'victims are especially anis".

Yesterday was so much awesome in one day. Gaby and I walked to Fresh and Easy, at tofu, watched a lifetime movie, got picked up by my sister, went to see brown and blue in pomona, coffee, then the hangover. I have no words to describe that movie.

I fell asleep so late that I woke up with a head ache. I loove ignoring my phone when I get calls or text. Whatev, I'll get them back. Upside, I'm not that sick anymore. Sorry you still are Kullen :/

The power just went out, *sigh.

Time, whatever that is

Everything I said I'd do in the last post, I didn't end up doing. I did go to disneyland though and Toetoe did stay over. I'm really tired, I really shouldn't be up this early but I'm awake aren't I? I most likely will not be on this later, this stupid depression just hit me and I don't feel like doing anything. It's probably the lack of seeing everyone on a daily basis, what I'll miss. Well, I'm okay.

Nothing big but it took forever to do and I made her beat me up before she did it.

Waiting and listening to TV on the Radio

Suki asucar

Suki from Gilmore girls reminds me of my freshman history teacher Miss Gavin. She was my favorite teacher. List of things I will be doing today.

- Cleaning my sisters room for fun
- Neglecting my own room
- Stretching my ears for the 14th time
- Walking to stater brothers to cash in my change
- Finish animal supply application
- Look at prices for drivers ed
- Bake a cake
- iChat
- Eat a lot
- No more ganja, I'm all out.
- Shit around all day

Composition

I am in love with my Aquaman t-shirt. iCHAT iCHAT iCHAT iCHAT. Only with the finest. I'm going to try to watch a "good movie" per day when I can. Today was Son of Rambow, it sure was something.

Eatin sum cheese

Helsinki

What do I do with my first day of my Summer Solstice? I "run away", which is just getting in the car with lauren's sister and going to her house, my mom saw it as running away even though I'm at home now. No clue. I am no longer a "Golden Spoon virgin", which sounds awkward because it has virgin in it, shut up. We cleaned out our locker and I can now bring home my mustache that's been on the door the whole year. Kid's got some big plans to make for this time off and I'm using it and using it well.

My hair's getting too long for my beanie.

Oh my god:

Bears with beets

So a while back, about a year and a half ago, I saw Against Me at the Grove in Anaheim with Matt & Kim and they were amazing. It's kind of weird how everyone has Daylight on their profiles. It's annoying but is it some memo I missed? I still like Read? OK. and Fact printed stain. I feel so good about my Spanish and Math final today. It was the first math final I've ever finished right on time. Success? Maybe.

Right when I was finished I was starred at because I got a Germ-X whippie and disinfected my calculator, pencil and phone. I like 'em cleeeean.

Bored |bord| adjective :
Feeling weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity.

Geek |gek| noun informal :
1 An unfashionable or socially inept person.
2 A carnival performer who does wild or disgusting acts.

Hello scandinavia

Two down, four to go. Gad damn it. I still want to go to the zoo or the aquarium. Although I was close to going a while ago, I still want to go. Instead of going to petting zoo's and whatnot, they took my sister and I to art museums and jazz festivals. All still fun but whateves. My phone is up and running, still sick but I'm living. Noffin new, just looking at galleries online and wishing I was on vacation somewhere. I haven't gone on vacation in a year. San francisco soon though!

Autumnal equinox

How I wish it was Autumn. A time where things were easier and fun. Summer is so over rated, so are relationships. Well the uneasy ones where neither one of you know what you're doing, but I don't really have to worry about that anyways because I know what I'm doing and I'm a little less clueless and not that afraid to point problems out. Then again, what problems? That's why I love it.

I'm going to stop talking about finals. Every year since I ever took my first freshman finals, I've gotten sick around the same time. The thing is, I get myself sick. And I'm dieting so my emotions are fucking everywhere. By the way, I got new shoes yesterday. Well my sister has them but I gave her my money because I couldn't leave my books and notes and hand cramps. I've had a writers callus on my right hand ring finger since fourth grade, the grade I discovered how much fun it was to write stories and draw my own books.

Sicksicksicksicksicksicksick; I seem to always be wearing that jacket.

I actually really like my science class.

Nervous nancy

I slept horribly but soundly. I made myself camomile tea last night because I had the worst sore throat. I fell asleep watching some online movies till two am. I caught up with the hills, nothing to say out loud but I watch it. I had the worst and best dream.

I was in a vertical arena such as the star exhibit at the Griffith Observatory except no seats, no hologram projectors and I was waiting for this girl from my school, who doesn't play an instrument, for her to play her violin solo. While I was waiting for her to start playing, I was flying/ swimming everywhere. All of a sudden there were orca whales and while I was swimming they would bite at my hands and they would bite hard but I couldn't see their faces. Then the worst happened and I was unprotected in open water in the middle of the ocean with the sky being a low ceiling. So from there on while I was stranded, there were orca whales, not sharks, but whales biting at my hands and every time they came up to me there was just merky water all of a sudden which freaked the shit out of me. Then everything turned black and the stars turned to shellfish.

I don't know why I've suddenly gotten so afraid of orca whales, they're cute :/

Studying all day today and tomorrow.

I plan to walk around aimlessly with out a plan

Plaines planes plans plants

- Build a teepee
- Go camping freely
- Don't wear underpants for a day
- Eat my dinner with my hands for a week
- Walk around barefooted most of the time
- Brush my hair to a minimal time
- Count how I brush my teeth
- Say hello to people with dogs on the street
- Overcome my aversion to open water
- Lose all anxiety
- Find my peace in mind
- Wear more torn clothes
- Be happy
- Adventures
- Stick to everything I say
- Keep promises
- Continue loving and never feel hopeless
- Know my day is going to come
- Be self aware
- Paint everyone and everything
- Write down an extended list of pop up things
- Carry a conversation for more than 10 minutes
- Be able to look people in the eye
- Be capable of being as sincere as possible
- Goonies never say die
- Bake the cake I've been wanting to bake
- Feed the giraffes I've been wanting to feed
- Buy shark teeth
- Swim in the ocean free of anxiety
- Empty my room
- Purchase something above $30 on my own
- Grow up smart
- Build my own wrapping paper room
- Start something new
- Walk in the woods
- Be in the rain
- Collect sun in a jar
- Visit the Indian flower ice cream parlor in san fran
- Build my own fire like Bear Grylls
- Hike and pee in a bush
- Sleep in a tent and fish in the morning
- Fall asleep next to a person besides family
- Go on tour
- Take pictures till my eyes bleed
- Always feel comfortable
- Never lose creativity
- Set things straight with people and make them understand
- Feel truthful
- Open my eyes when I wake up, not my mouth
- Watch another meteor shower
- Feel infinite till I'm emotional
- Be less emotionally attached
- Don't think so much
- Schedule visitation
- Build my own car or underground walk way to santa barbara
- Feel good
- Write a rap
- Give myself credit for things
- Watch amoebas through a telescope
- Make cup phones
- Kaleidoscope kaleidoscope kaleidoscope kaleidoscope
- Eat a whole watermelon
- Paint my toes every two days
- Quit a dirty habit
- Stop getting bruises
- Screen print
- Grow my hair as far as Texas
- Visit Chicago, Boston, Portland or Seattle
- Stay in a park for a whole day
- Eat the fish I caught
- Ride in a canoe
- Receive a hena tattoo
- Buy another dog
- Remember 'i' before the 'e'
- No summer school
- Flakes are not allowed
- Buy a Badminton net
- Make a vase on a clay wheel
- Create something beautiful and give as a present
- Eat a whole box of cereal on my own
- Ride my bike somewhere far
- Make it passed the tide
- Eat at Neptune's Net again
- Buy more oils in Ventura
- Road trip that will never happen
- Think of things more possible than impossible
- Finish a velvet coloring picture from Michaels
- Go to shows shows shows
- Make Spoon Fed Art
- Go to the Ghetty at least the normal 4 times this summer
- Plant my vegetable garden
- Be as unstoppable as kim possible
- Defeat flies and ladybugs
- Murder snail killers
- Watch Milk and remember every part of it
- Aim for documentary's only
- Buy her nice things with my money
- Cook a good meal
- Grow a tea garden
- Ignore negativity
- Make a ceramic elephant
- Make less holes in my wall
- Be more original
- Finish something old


Let there be more to come..

Everything means nothing to me

I feel like I've missed forever and a day. Nothing at all new. Just my best friend over every single day this past week and preparing to be a junior all day. Lauren and Gabe came over to day. I took a shower first because I was estinky. Speaking of, Lauren has never had pinkberry before so we walked there from school and I'm waiting in line and this lady comes behind me and she smelled... so bad. I don't know how to describe it but I didn't want my frozen yogurt in her presence. I feel horrible for saying so, but people have to know when to scrub.

I also found out that Katie Rossier is the gayest mosucka ever. You'll see this eventually. I'll miss your face and constant insults about me.

What they did while I was showering.

"You look like someone shanked your face! What happened?!" Mrs. Rubalcaba

Success

Is my middle name. I slept through my spanish writing final this morning. By the way my eyes are blood shot and I literally lost four pounds. That's a huge deal to me. I'm in the process of getting up so I can go to school. I'll make it to the last two classes and lunch. Yesterday was such a depressing day I almost cried.

I just woke up

Alright so

Woop it's the first of June, whatever. I'm summing this up in bullet points:

• No phone
• Coming in mail soon
• Will not post for a while because of finals
• Studying real hard because I don't want to go to Fullerton nor Sunny Hills
• Getting kicked out of the same class with in a weeks span = me in deep shit
• I will not be on this for quit some time.

Well there you go. My arms are bruised from playing volleyball at lunch. Fuck being on a varsity team years ago, I have shuffle boarding and badminton. Alright, I'm done.